Your Love is an Ocean, and I'm Afraid of Water
by bitter for sweet
Summary: He swore silently. "Alanna, I'm sorry, I never meant any harm, I just want you t'know how I feel." She faced him again. "I know how you feel, George." She whispered, "But I don't know if I feel the same way. I can't let myself feel the same way."
1. Your Love Is An Ocean, And I'm Afraid of...

Disclaimer: Own nothing but the plot and maybe some characters in the future. Everything else belongs to Tamora Pierce.  
  
Here you go, chapter one! I hope I'm doing the characters at least some justice. Just incase the italics don't work, they're supposed to be around Faithful's quotes and the memory of George.  
  
Chapter One: Your Love is an Ocean, and I'm Afraid of Water  
  
Alanna of Trebond shivered deliciously as she looked into the hungry, smouldering eyes of her long time best friend, the King of Thieves, George Cooper. They were sitting in his chambers above the Dancing Dove before a roaring fire. She didn't know what they had been talking about that had brought them to this awkward moment but didn't care either.  
  
George stared down into her face, his heart beating wildly, his hands resting on her thighs. Licking his lips, he brought his face down closer to hers, moving his arm and placing it around her waist. She leaned into his touch, feeling his warm breath upon her lips. Bringing gentle fingers up, he caressed her cheek, moving in closer still. Finally, their lips touched and Alanna noticed how soft his mouth was. He licked at her lower lip and she gasped. Taking advantage of this, he pushed his tongue into her mouth. She moaned.  
  
Alanna's eyes snapped open and she sat up in her tent, her sleeping mat soaked with sweat. Breathing heavily, she saw herself blush in the tiny mirror.  
  
"Is it true?" She asked herself, "Do I love George Cooper?" Faithful, her black cat, jumped onto the foot of her bed.  
  
Of course you do. He said, licking his paws, you always have. George loves you too, you know.  
  
Alanna, startled, glared at the cat. "Shut up! It was just a dream, I do NOT desire George! He's my friend!"  
  
Yes, just like you didn't love Jonathan. The cat replied sarcastically. Alanna's eyes filled with tears.  
  
"Can you not talk about that?" She whispered angrily.  
  
Come on, you'll have to face the fact sometime. Jonathan is your prince, not to mention the Voice of the Bloody Hawk which you are a member of.  
  
"I can avoid Jonathan all I want seeing as that's what he does to me" She stuck her chin out stubbornly.  
  
I don't pity you one bit. Is it so hard to believe that someone is attracted to you? George loves you.  
  
"I don't know what love is and I don't want to." The cat rolled his violet eyes. Alanna knew that George has feelings for her. He certainly made it clear enough, but she felt afraid. What scared her tonight was that her dreams and visions had usually come true. Was this just an ordinary dream, or did she have a future with George?  
  
Laying her head on her pillow once more, her thoughts drifted to the last time she had visited the thief in his new home at Port Caynn.  
  
"Lass, don't ye see how beautiful ye are?" He asked her one night, "Can't ye tell I love ye with all my heart?" Alanna squirmed uncomfortably beneath his steady gaze.  
  
"Please George, stop, I'm really messed up right now." She pleaded with him. He noticed her trembling and grasped her hand.  
  
"If it makes you feel so, then I won't mention it again. But Alanna, understand that my feelin's will never change. I will wait forever if I must but someday ye'll fall in love and if not with me, with someone very lucky." The discomfort stuck and hung in the air.  
  
"George I'm not ready for that, I don't know what love is..."His hazel eyes locked with her lilac ones.  
  
"Ye're nineteen lass, old enough for love by far. I know that after what happened with-" His face darkened, "-Prince Jonathan really changed you and all but-"  
  
"George, please" She begged "Don't bring this up, not now." She began to cry, looking away from him. He swore silently.  
  
"Alanna, I'm sorry, I never meant any harm, I just want you t'know how I feel." She faced him again.  
  
"I know how you feel, George." She whispered, "But I don't know if I feel the same way. I can't let myself feel the same way."  
  
Faithful's yowl brought her out of her thoughts.  
  
"Hm?"  
  
I said, what are you thinking about? Alanna blushed.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
You're thinking about George. The cat accused, I can see it in your face.  
  
"No I'm not! That's it, I'm going for a walk." She stood and threw on her burnoose before storming from the tent.  
  
Let me know what you think. The more reviews I get, the faster I update.  
  
-Nicole 


	2. Hooded Stranger

Disclaimer: Only the plot is mine. The rest belongs to Tamora Pierce.  
  
Hey! Here's chapter 2 just like I promised.  
  
It had been three weeks since Alanna's dream and every night, she would stay awake thinking silently, a look of absence in her eyes. Faithful was aware of everything but wisely kept his mouth shut. He didn't want to be thrown from the tent again. If the Bahzir noticed that her attention was focused less on her shaman duties and more on something else, they chose not to say anything.  
  
Alanna was never present at the tribe meetings with the Voice. She didn't want to face Jonathan. Instead, at these times, she would dwell on the letters sent to her from her friends. Raoul and Gary wrote every few weeks to ask when she would return to Tortall. She missed her friends but knew that she couldn't go back to the kingdom, not now anyway.  
  
Every time she received a letter from George, her heart would flutter. His messages were loving and sweet and made her blush. She never wrote back, thinking that if she ignored them, she wouldn't have to feel this way.  
  
**  
  
The King of Thieves walked out through the courtyard and toward the porter's door which lay between House Azik and the rest of Port Caynn.  
  
"Marek," He barked, "Has-"  
  
"No Majesty." Marek replied without needing his master to finish his question, "There hasn't been any letters from Lady Alanna today." George sighed and turned back. Why hadn't Alanna been answering his letters?  
  
"Rispah!" He shouted upon entering the large house. His fiery haired cousin looked down from the landing.  
  
"What now cousin?" She asked impatiently.  
  
"Get my horse saddled." He said, "I'm ridin' south tonight." Rispah shook her head.  
  
"Worryin' over Lady Alanna again? I thought she was visitin' the Bahzir."  
  
"She hasn't been answerin' my letters. Somethin' might be wrong. I'm goin' t'see what it is." He sheathed his sword and slipped his daggers into his sleeves and boots. It never hurt to be prepared. "Tell mother I won't be long." Rispah nodded.  
  
"Be careful out there cousin, and give Lady Alanna my regards."  
  
**  
  
Alanna grabbed her combs and began to vigorously groom her mare Moonlight. Patting his nose, she gently brushed his back.  
  
"I don't know what to think anymore." She whispered to the darkness. Moonlight snorted affectionately. Alanna looked around, the night was still and clear. Creeping back to the village, she slipped under the flap of her tent and emerged in her riding boots and breeches, her saddlebags over her shoulder.  
  
Where are you going? Faithful trotted up beside her, blinking his eyes curiously.  
  
"Out. I need to clear my mind." She answered.  
  
Don't you know it's dangerous to ride the deserts alone, especially at night? He had followed her to the stable and watched as she saddled her horse.  
  
"Well I won't be alone now that you've decided to come along will I?" She swung her leg over the mare's back and looked expectantly at her cat. He sighed.  
  
Well I suppose so. He murmured, jumping up into the little cup fixed onto Moonlight's saddle.  
  
Alanna took off at a fierce gallop, loving the way the night air slapped her face and whooshed through her hair. When she was far enough away from the tribe, she slowed down to a trot.  
  
"I miss George." She finally said, "I know I should have responded to his many letters, especially when they started demanding if I was safe." Faithful looked at her.  
  
You've fallen in love with him. He remarked. Alanna shook her head.  
  
"No. I just care about him."  
  
As he cares about you. Alanna blushed.  
  
"He just worries." She stopped speaking when she saw her cat's ears perk up and his fur stand on end. "Faithful?" The little animal began hissing and spitting, his teeth barred. Swinging around, she saw a group of hillmen riding towards her. "Shit!"  
  
She drew her sword, swinging it in front of her and charging at the intruders. Bringing the blade up she blocked the dagger of the man who attempted to stab her. Pulling back, she looked deep within herself, awakening the fire that burned low inside. Concentrating hard, she built a wall of violet flame around herself and Moonlight. The startled men called forth their shamans. Alanna was unprepared for the streak of green light that shattered her protecting orb. Sweat formed on her brow.  
  
She made to pull a strand of thread from her saddlebag when the hillmen charged. Her concentration was broken and she barely had time to life her sword to block the many barbarians. Moving quickly, she looked for an opening, faking left and diving right. The men were good but not a knight of the King.  
  
An axe smashed into her shield as she lifted it to stop the blow to her head. It clashed sharply and numbed her left hand. She watched, terrified, as they circled around her, closing her in. It was impossible to see them all at once.  
  
Finally spotting a break in the circle, Alanna thrusted forward trying to force herself free. Two burly men grabbed her arms and threw her from her horse, laughing madly. Looking up from the ground Alanna closed her eyes and swallowed hard, waiting to feel cold metal against her throat. The feeling never came.  
  
Hooves pounded in the distance distracting the hillmen from killing their prey. Alanna's eyes snapped open in time to see a rider dressed in a black cloak, hood pulled up, charge at her attackers. She jumped up from the ground, throwing herself on Moonlight's back to help the stranger who was now holding the men off.  
  
"Ride!" He shouted to her, "Get away while ye still can!"  
  
"No!" Alanna shrieked, she had to help him or he would die on the end of the barbarians' swords. She steered her horse towards the fight and rode straight for them all, holding her shield up. She unsheathed her sword, fighting to keep control on the evil humming. She could feel the power snaking up her arm from the hilt of the quivering weapon. Suddenly, she felt it go white hot and dropped it. Staring at her hand, she pushed the evil magic from her body with her own purple flame, not noticing the hillman behind her drawing up his sword.  
  
"Alanna! Look out!" The hooded stranger called to her, she looked up startled and wheeled around as the offender brought down his weapon. She yelped in pain as the blade drew a long gash from her shoulder to her elbow, deepening as it went. Blood soaked the shreds of her shirt as she fell from her horse. Everything went black.  
  
What felt like hours later, Alanna opened her eyes, feeling cold water on her face. The black cloaked rider was kneeling over her. She tried to sit up. He put an arm on her waist.  
  
"Lay down." He instructed, "Ye haven't the strength to sit."  
  
"Who are you?" She demanded. George Cooper pulled back his hood looking down at the young knight, concern in his brown eyes. Her eyes widened. "George? What are you doing here?"  
  
"Never ye mind, we're goin' t'see my mother."  
  
"But, Mistress Cooper's all the way back in Corus."  
  
"Nay lass, she's staying with me in Port Caynn." He tried to help her stand but everything blacked out again. Sighing, he slid her limp body onto his horse Beauty, grabbing Moonlight's reins. He watched the blood in her arm begin to clot as it poured from her wound soaking the bandage. He gulped. She couldn't lose this much blood! He broke into a gallop, House Azik was a day's ride from here.  
  
**  
  
Blinking slightly, Alanna opened her eyes wondering what has woken her. Faithful sat by her cheek, his cold nose prodding her ear.  
  
About time you woke up. He said to her, George barely leaves your side, he's worried sick you know. Alanna swatted at her cat.  
  
"Where am I?"  
  
Dog Lane. Said the cat simply.  
  
"George's house?"  
  
Mmhmm. Footsteps pounded up the stairs and down the hall.  
  
"Alanna, ye're awake." He smiled. "How's your arm?" She tried to lift it.  
  
"It still hurts."  
  
"Mistress Cooper has some tea waitin'. Ye haven't eaten in days."  
  
"Have I been asleep that long?" She was astonished. "Days?" George nodded.  
  
"The hillman's blade was a nasty piece of work, hooked into the skin an' everythin'." He looked at Faithful.  
  
I can take a hint. Jumping up he walked out of the room, leaving the two alone. George's face turned serious.  
  
"I've been worried sick lass, what were ye doin' ridin' at night alone?"  
  
"I wasn't alone, I had Faithful."  
  
"Wonderful fighter Faithful is hmm?"  
  
"George, I just needed to get away from... things. What were you doing in the Bahzir desert anyway?"  
  
"Alanna, ye weren't answerin' my letters, how was I t'know that ye weren't dead? I finally decided t'come an' see if ye were alright."  
  
"I'm sorry." She looked away from him. He moved closer, inhaling her scent, placing his hands on either side of her body.  
  
"George!" Mistress Cooper stood in the doorway holding a tray of tea and cakes, "Let Lady Alanna have her sleep." She scolded, "She hasn't been awake five minutes and you're up here making noise." George blushed.  
  
"Yes mother." He took one last look at Alanna and walked out.  
  
"How're you feeling?" Mistress Cooper asked Alanna once they were alone.  
  
"Confused." The older woman eyed her for a moment.  
  
"Confused? I meant your arm." Alanna blushed.  
  
"Oh, right, it's still sore."  
  
"Yes, I think you'll be due for a re-bandaging soon but with that Gift of yours it'll be healed in no time." Alanna nodded absently. "Dear, is there something you want to talk about?"  
  
"Hm? Oh, er, no."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Ye-no." She looked up into Mistress Cooper's smiling face. "It's - it's about George."  
  
"I thought as much." The woman nodded, "Continue."  
  
"Well, I suppose you know that he- that he-"  
  
"Yes, I have noticed that George cares about you."  
  
"Well..." Her face reddened, "Jonathan and I had a fight."  
  
"Really?" She obviously knew the story.  
  
"Well, you know the rest."  
  
"Do I?" Her eyes danced. Alanna sighed.  
  
"He asked me to marry him this summer."  
  
"And you said no?"  
  
"No... not at first anyway. He took my acceptance for granted, assuming that I would marry him. But marrying a prince is, well, a big responsibility."  
  
"Of course."  
  
"And so I told him I refused to marry him and he... told me I was... unfeminine." Alanna's face darkened.  
  
"Indeed? And so what does this have to do about my George?" Alanna had hoped she'd forgotten.  
  
"I think I... well, that is to say, I might-" A voice yelled up from downstairs causing the two women to jump.  
  
"Mother! There's another sick lad here to see ye!" Mistress Cooper stood up and nodded to Alanna before scurrying from the room.  
  
A/N: Chapter 3 coming soon. If you have any ideas of what should come next, let me know.  
  
-Nicole 


	3. Confession

Hola! I'm soooo sorry this took so long. I've been extremely busy and also writing another fic (In Front of My Nose, a Ron/Hermione Harry Potter fic). Hope you like this chapter and since I'm back into the whole "Alanna/George mode" the next one should come sooner. =)  
  
Alanna swallowed hard as George re-entered the room, his smile fading when he saw her face.  
  
"Alanna?" She opened her eyes feeling slightly uncomfortable now that she and George were alone again.  
  
"Yes?" She focused on her fingernails, picking at the cuticles and dreading what was coming as she knew he was going to fuss over her again. Sometimes his concern was just too much. She never planned to fall in love or get married. Going on adventures and exploring the far corners of Tortall and beyond, would be postponed if she happened to have a child. No husband to tie her down would do her best...  
  
"Are you feelin' alright?" She rolled her eyes slightly.  
  
"I'm fine George." She forced out, her teeth gritted. He smiled slightly again, knowing that she hated to be fussed over.  
  
He examined her face, trying to read how she was feeling but lately, she wasn't an open book, so easy to read, and he found himself confused by how much emotion she showed and how little he could comprehend.  
  
"What?" She asked him curiously at the glint of thoughtfulness in his eyes. He blinked quickly remembering to keep his suspicions masked.  
  
"Nothin'." He said, focusing on her face. "Alanna... you've been kind of distant lately." He was choosing his words carefully, before hesitating and adding, "Are you SURE you're alright?"  
  
"YES!" She shouted and immediately regretted letting go of the reins of her temper. It was always flying loose in all the wrong situations. George looked taken aback for a moment, taking a step away from her bed.  
  
"Alright then. So, glad to be back?" He tried to lighten the mood seeing that it might help her relax somewhat. The last thing he wanted was to have her nervous and uncomfortable in his presence.  
  
"I suppose. It's nice to see you and your mother again." She sighed, calming down as best she could. George smiled.  
  
"I missed you while you were away." He couldn't stop the words from coming. She felt butterflies in the pit of her tummy, the faint bubbling growing as he surveyed her with his enchanting eyes. He rested his palm on her knee. Her eyes fluttered closed, as her breathing became laboured. He let his fingers slide slowly up her leg, trying once again to read her face, tell what she was thinking.  
  
"No!" She burst out sitting up and pushing his arm away. "George, please!"  
  
"I-I'm sorry lass, I forgot, it was-it was..." He rasped hoarsely, giving up.  
  
"I'm not ready for that again..." She pleaded with him, "Not now. Please, just let me be."  
  
"Alanna, I'm so sorry, know that I didn't mean to hurt you... I can't help myself when I see you so vulnerable..." He forced himself to stand.  
  
"George," She hadn't meant to make him feel so guilty. He stopped.  
  
"I have to leave if I'm t'leave you alone." His forwardness always made her feel sick and rather scared. Watching his back as he exited the tiny room made her sigh deeply.  
  
She let herself cry silently, tears she resented rolling down her cheeks. She knew she wanted to be loved, and needed to learn to love herself, but it seemed too soon after Jonathan... Could she even blame her fear on him anymore? Or was it just that she was afraid to give herself to someone?  
  
"I do want you George..." She whispered to the walls, and Faithful who had returned a while back, preened himself knowing better than to remark that she was feeling sorry for herself again. "You have no idea." She didn't know what made her say it, but she did. It was as if the words were forced from her quivering lips but when they sounded, she knew they were true.  
  
Thanks to the thief's remarkable spying skills, she never saw the shadow that slowly retreated from the crack of her bedroom door.  
  
** George himself prowled away from Alanna's bedchamber, his heart beating faster than usual. He hadn't meant to overhear the girl's confession, he was merely going to say goodnight. Perhaps now wasn't a good time to do so... he'd spare her her dignity and retire to his own room.  
  
That night as Alanna slept peacefully in her bed (the warmest one she'd experienced for a while), George lay awake thinking. She'd said so herself that she wanted him, but he couldn't help wondering if somehow he'd pressured her into saying that. But she didn't know she was announcing it to him, so his presence couldn't have affected her decision, could it have? His whole body tingled with hope, as he thought that maybe she really did want him.  
  
He would have fallen asleep with his sensuous lips curved in a smile, but before his head hit the pillow, a terrible thought went through his mind at top speed: 'She'll want to leave for more adventuring soon. She won't stay with me...'.  
  
A/N: Hope it was ok. The next should come soon =). 


	4. One World Away

Note: Holy CRAP! I am SO sorry I left this for so long, you guys. To everyone who stuck around: I love you more than words can say.

So, lately I've been reading Tammy's books over again and I had a sudden urge to check my reviews on this fic and see if anyone wanted me to continue. Oddly enough, several people did (and I adore you 3), so here I am .

I'm beginning to plan out the rest of the story (which should be not too many chapters longer, but I've got some ideas). Here's an extremely horribly short chapter to tide you over (I hope!):

Over the next few days, George noticed that Alanna looked even more exotic. He thought it had something to do with the new piece of information, but whatever it was, he saw her in a different light. Although she wasn't feminine, she had soft curves to her body that could make almost any lady at court jealous. Her long, vivid auburn hair hung wildly around her face, the flaming tendrils accenting her milky skin. With high cheekbones, she had a strong face, built tough. Shaking his head, George wondered why Jonathan could ever want more of a woman.

And although he was becoming more confident that what he'd heard Alanna confess that night was true, he walked on eggshells around her, terrified that he'd set her into another rage and push her even farther away from him. When she was ready to talk about it all, she would come to him. He wasn't going to push her. No, George fully intended to prove that he was not like Prince Jonathan. He would let his love be as free as she wished, no pressure from him at all.

And over the next few weeks as Alanna healed, he held tightly to that little piece of hope, dwelling upon it and telling himself that Alanna just needed more time. She was bashful and timid in his presence, so shy it was almost endearing. It hurt George just a little every time it happened, though, because it meant she didn't trust him as much as he'd initially thought.

"If she loves me," He reasoned with himself. "Then she'll come to me in her own good time. When she feels comfortable enough to accept my love, she'll come."

Alanna found herself crying herself to sleep more often than not as her stay at Port Caynn grew longer. Everything about her demeanour when she was alone was miserable. Her usually strong and confidently straight shoulders slouched as she curled herself into a ball and wept silently, fed up with absolutely everything.

"Why is it all so hard?" She whispered fiercely. "Love is supposed to be beautiful. Why must it hurt so?" Faithful rolled his eyes gently, coming to comfort her as he had done every night since they'd found themselves in George's household. He wrapped his lithe body around Alanna's arm and purred directly into her ear, attempting to comfort the weeping girl with the low, rumbling noises.

And every night, George would listen to her fall asleep like this, beating himself up inside.

Nixx 333


End file.
